Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
