just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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