we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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