So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
that may or may not have been my penis.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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