Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
