You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
