I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
whose parrot is this?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
