Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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