This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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