I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
