nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
