out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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