U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
do herpes really smell.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
