Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
