I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
