Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
