The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
we should paint friendship bongs
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