My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
