apparently the secret to your success is patron
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
