i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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