Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
