My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Every concussion has its silver lining
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
