he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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