OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
