Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Did I show you my penis last night?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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