I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
