yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
