friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I see more hoeing in ur future
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