After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
