return my video game
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
