Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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