I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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