I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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