I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Randomize
