fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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