idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
