Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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