i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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