dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
