so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
only you would photoshop your dick
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
