is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
