you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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