Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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