I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
