Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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