Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
