it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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