i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
