I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Four minutes until I can fart!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
