i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
this hospital has no fireball
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
