Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
