I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
