I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
