then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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