Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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